gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
