i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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