I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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