I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
