i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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