did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
