I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
