so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
