Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
