Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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