Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
