We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
