You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
