this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
