So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize