btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
