Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
