kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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