I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
