my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Terrible idea I love it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
