my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Come see our sink grown plant.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
