I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
His nipple licking is glorious
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