evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to calm my uterus...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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