Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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