They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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