Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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