Me. At least after what I've been through.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
