all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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