dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
