so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
