Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
