i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
