He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
