Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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