Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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