It's Friday. Sex?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
