OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
