So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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