I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
