I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
