As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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