Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
