if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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