You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
