I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
