people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
