she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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