Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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