Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
