very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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