i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
