A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
