true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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