Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
