is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
