she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
