I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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