He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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