just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
