Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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