good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
