Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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