More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
