i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
