I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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