I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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