Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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