I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it's like iHOP with fire
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
