I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
