new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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