all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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