This is not my ceiling
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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