Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my liver is dry heaving
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
