just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
