I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
