Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
