guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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