I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
