My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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