I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
