I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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