my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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