I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
