do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
