If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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