Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
