Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
