That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
