The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
