He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
