There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
