I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize