I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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